Creating Your YES closet
What comes up when you say "NO"?
For some of us, saying no can be tough.
Why?
Here's what I've heard:
"I feel like I'm being selfish."
"I might be _____ (left, fired, abandoned)."
"A better ___ (relationship, job, shirt) might not come along and I will be left with nothing."
"I need to be a good ____(person, girl, boy) and people won't like me if I say no!"
"I'll get kicked out of the ___ (family, community, relationship) if I don't say yes."
We all have our reasons that it might be hard to say no, but try these on for size:
"Woo hoo for my no!"
"I trust that when I say no, it makes space for more aligned things to come in."
"Big juicy YESSES are on the other side of my no's."
In other words, clearing out the stuff that you don't love, will make room for the stuff you do! This goes for EVERYTHING- relationships, habits, and mindsets, (as well as your clothes)!
It can be really tricky to believe it is true. But developing a new mindset is the same as developing any habit- it just takes practice!
And your closet is the perfect place to start practicing!
Why? Material stuff is more simple, practical, and tangible then mindsets or relationships.
So listen up for some practical tips on building a stronger relationship with your yesses and no's (and decluttering and organizing your closet in the process :)
5 STEPS TO BUILDING YOUR "YES CLOSET"
1. FIND YOUR YESSES
Start by choosing 4 articles of clothing that are a BIG FAT JUICY YES!! Do you know what I mean by that? Simply put, you love EVERYTHING about them. How they feel, how you look in them, the memories associated, the smell, the texture, the people who sold them or gave them.... They're reflective of the person you are today. Put those items aside- they're your reference point for the closet you are creating! The soft, cozy cashmere robe in that photo is one of my YES ITEMS! I LOVE lounge-ware, and feeling cozy and comfy. Plus, it was a really sweet and thoughtful gift from my mama, given during a moment I needed a reminder to center coziness and comfiness. YES ROBE!!!
2. MAKE A LIST
Next, make a list of every category of clothing you have. If you've got a lot of clothing, then make subcategories (subcategory examples are "tank tops, t-shirts, blouses" vs. a category, like "shirts"). If you don't have an overwhelming amount of clothing, keep the list simple and break it down if you do.
3. CREATE A TIMELINE
Put each subcategory into your calendar. Give yourself an hour for each category, or clear a whole day to do it all at once! Seek some support, if you can. The best support is a person who is able to keep their own opinions out of it and can help guide you to your own clarity. Bonus if they are fun to be around!
4. YESSES AND NO'S
Your goal is to divide everything into just two piles- the YESSES and the NO'S. Don't overcomplicate it. If you feel SUPER DUPER excited about something and wanna put it on your body right now, then it is a yes! And if you don't feel that, it's a no. For reasons I'll talk about later, it might be tricky. But try your best to keep it simple. If you need to, create a 3rd category that is a "NOT RIGHT NOW", which means you're not going to let it go today, but it's not a yes.
5. GET IT ALL OUT!
This is important! Get all that stuff out at the end of the day! Now that you've decided to let it go, you don't want to get stuck thinking about all that stuff in your home.Feel free to get in touch if you want a recommendation for someone to come pick it up at your house or check out my website for East Bay donation drop-off recommendations.
BONUS INVITATION. As you're going through each article of clothing, bring in both the head AND the heart. Both are very important!
HEAD QUESTIONS: when was the last time I wore this? Do I have anything else like it? Can I afford to replace it right now? Do I want to sell it or donate it? Do I need this for work right now?
HEART QUESTIONS: how do I feel this article of clothing is on my body? Am I EXCITED about wearing it? Do I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when I see it?
Some notes about tough feelings
Cleaning out your closet can be tough for a number of reasons. Here are just a few.
Maybe your relationship with your body has felt complicated, and your clothing brings up a lot of insecurities or feelings of powerlessness.
Maybe your clothing doesn't represent your gender (or other parts of yourself) and you will feel grief and sadness or anger or frustration with that reality.
Maybe you grew up poor (and are still broke) and replacing stuff or buying the things (or creating the life you want!) is not so easy.
Maybe saying "no", even to something as insignificant as a sock, will touch in to some deeper experience of not being able to say no in the past, and this will be the moment you feel it all.
Whatever comes up for you, please give yourself a big hug and factor in time to process and get support. Call a friend, call some family, or call me.
Throughout the process, keep saying "I am creating a life that is full of big juicy yesses (and clear, confident no's)."
You're fabulous and you got this!
Happy decluttering,
Lily